Holistic Divorce Counseling

Holistic Divorce Counseling Nicole S. Urdang, M.S., NCC, DHM, LMHC. Free support, resources, and comfort for all life's issues and transitions.

No regrets October 2, 2012

Filed under: No regrets — chocophile @ 4:05 pm
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If things were different they wouldn’t be the same.
From an episode of Law & Order

Every decision comes with a cornucopia of unanticipated consequences. How could it be otherwise? Like crystals growing in a petri dish, they build, one on top of another, into configurations previously unimagined. Similarly, every second in life is full of mystery and ripe with unforeseen possibilities.

Think back to when you were young. Could you ever have imagined the twists and turns life would take? Were most of your relationships, experiences, challenges, or transformations predictable? What if you consciously decided to see them all as perfect catalysts for your growth, whether you liked them, or not?

No matter how challenging your circumstances, you are blessed with free will. You can choose your thoughts, the templates through which you view your experiences. Even if emotions drench you like a tsunami leaving confusion in their wake, you can still accept the onslaught as an opportunity to feel, change, and grow, rather than regret the choices that brought you to this place.

Regret is such a hubris filled thought. It implies there would have been a better outcome if only you had made different choices. A wild assumption with no basis in reality. If you had chosen other options things definitely would have been different, maybe worse. Why torture yourself by inventing rosier scenarios when you haven’t the foggiest idea what might have happened? The truth is all decisions spark chains of reactions you can’t possibly anticipate, let alone imagine. Unless you are clairvoyant, it is highly unlikely you can accurately say what would have happened had you acted differently. The only thing you can be sure of is the mental torture that comes from wondering, and Monday morning quarterbacking.

Where does the urge to imagine alternatives come from? Dissatisfaction and ego. The notion you could have chosen another path and all would have worked out beautifully. But there is absolutely no guarantee that course would have yielded happier results. The only thing you can know for sure is that there would have been another trajectory with its own set of unforeseen consequences. It is an assumption to think those would have been more gratifying or agreeable. It is somewhat egotistical to think you should have known the outcomes of your actions before taking them. You couldn’t because no one can. Unfortunately, the times you did guess correctly only fuel the egoic notion you should always be able to predict the results of your actions. Obviously, that is impossible. Thinking it only leads to remorse, grief, guilt, anxiety, and depression.

A veritable slew of factors, some conscious and some unconscious, collaborated to tip the scales in favor of one decision. The trick is to ride the waves without looking back and thinking you should have predicted all outcomes so you could be enjoying more happiness now. When looked at this way, doesn’t it seem unhelpful to blame yourself for things you couldn’t possibly have known?

The most loving way to deal with thoughts of regret and “shoulda, woulda, coulda,” is to remind yourself you didn’t know what would happen as a result of each decision you made, and consciously choose to believe everything is happening for your highest good. It may not be true, but it certainly beats alternative views. Since you get to choose, why not pick the thoughts that give you peace of mind and foster an optimistic outlook?

The following are a trio of healing meditations to help banish the tendency to regret. You can focus on one, two, or all three.

Sit comfortably and breathe naturally.

Open to what is. Your life now.

Settle into the grace of your unique experiences on this earth, and recall some of the most satisfying ones.

Welcome the unfolding of your life with curiosity and compassion.
Copyright Nicole S. Urdang


Affirmations For Self-Empowerment and Emotional Freedom September 15, 2008


It’s best to pick the ones that really speak to you now and read them aloud two to three times a day.

It is natural for things to turn out well for me

I don’t have to figure it all out now

I have a fulfilling life and enrich other people’s lives

I assume the best

I listen to my intuition

I cultivate well-being

I am confident I can handle any challenge

People are kind to me

I focus on the positive

Unexpected good is coming my way

I acknowledge my pain and then move on

I fear no one

My finances are increasing

Those I love love me

I live in the present

I find something good in every situation

I feel safe within myself

I see what I want to do and do it

I am courageous

I take exquisitely good care of myself

I eat when I’m hungry and rest when I’m tired

I ask for what I want

I embrace change

I love myself

I am talented

I am a good listener

I believe in myself

I am creative

I grow stronger every day

Life is friendly to me

People feel relaxed around me

I am a calm person

I dare to be myself

My body feels healthy and at ease

I am able to relax at any time

I am loved

I am trustworthy

I face every day with a kind spirit

I am caring

I create what I want

I have infinite possibilities

I am confident and self-assured

I inspire others with my actions

I make the most out of my opportunities

I acknowledge I have good people around me

I cultivate peace

I control my temper

I think clearly

I have the ability to handle difficulties

I am my best friend

I take the time to enjoy my family

I am intelligent

I learn from my mistakes

I care for myself

I am flexible

I enjoy the gifts that life brings me daily

I love how I grow from change

I am kind

I am open to new experiences

I am important and I contribute positively to mankind

I always come across the information I need at the right time

I lead a happy and purposeful existence

I find easy ways to accomplish my tasks

I grow wiser every day

I am an asset to everybody that surrounds me

Abundance flows to me in surprising ways every day

I will achieve all my goals

I am always filled with energy to accomplish anything I want

All my past successes support me in thinking I am a successful person

I surround myself all the time with positive people and positive information

I am grateful for everything in my life

I attract abundance and blessings that benefit me and other people as well

I deserve to lead a wonderful and prosperous life

My self-knowledge grows daily and makes me be a better person

I value myself highly for the person I am

I respect myself and I act with integrity

I welcome good into my life with open arms

Every day in every way I am getting better and better

I forgive, heal and release anything that’s holding me back from my highest potential for love.


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